I’ve always heard scary things about parenting a teen; so far all of them are true. The trick, I think, is to not let them know you’re alarmed by their behavior; and really, there is no reason to be afraid. I keep telling myself that the arrogance, the self-righteousness, and the rudeness are just part of a river that’s running down the stream. He once had colic, and now he doesn’t; so this all too will pass. Yet, sometimes he shines like a precious stone.
He crossed that line to 13. I woke at 7 a.m. to guitar rips from Guitar Hero World Tour, blaring out of the basement: Welcome to your new world; you’ve entered the realm of adolescence. We’re all in this world; Mom, Dad, right down to the youngest who’s in preschool. This awakening was not that much unlike his 7:30 a.m. birth, 13 years earlier. The shock at that hour was the same then as now.
Finding that constant part of him that is pure and timeless is now my new challenge. At one time, at age 4, I could see him so clearly, as he clearly stated what he felt and what he wanted. Now a soft barrier keeps those pieces from view; sometimes you know him clear as a bell, while there are moments when the familar parts of him are locked up and hidden away; I wonder if he even knows where to find them. Uncovering those gems can give me an edge when I try to reason with him, and maybe even a lifeline for him. Seeing all the great gems inside of him, even when they’re hidden, I hope, will ease the transition. As vital as seeing the good is, this is sometimes a hard thing to do.
Sometimes though, a teen doesn’t need reasoning. Whether they like it or not, they just need to hear your limits — and the consequences. Within those boundaries, teens find their room to grow, and a parent finds peace.
Still, it was gratifying to hear him say, “Mom, the Guitar Hero World Tour was the best birthday present I could have ever got.” I swear, he said that same thing when he was 4, and he found Buzz Lightyear (with the wings that popped out) standing under the Christmas Tree.
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Wow, 13 huh? I’m going to savor 6, 4 and 6 months.
We will pass this marker next August, and your post make my heart ache. I feel so much of this already. Who’d have thought we’d look back on those early years as “easy”?
I feel for you. Those days were difficult around here.
They say the early years are physically challenging but the teenage years are mentally challenging – staying ahead of children, in both cases…
I eagerly look forward to following this part of your teen parenting journey as you share it here. Merry Christmas Susie!
Welcome to the club! Is it easier with a girl perhaps? I don’t know.
“Sometimes though, a teen doesn’t need reasoning. Whether they like it or not, they just need to hear your limits — and the consequences. Within those boundaries, teens find their room to grow, and a parent finds peace.”
Hallelujah I say! This is ‘The Flaming Sword’ and we must not be afraid to exercise it. Fie to those foolish parents who say ‘oh but kids are different nowadays’ or ‘oh but the world’s a different place…..’.
Let’s hope our parenting journeys continue to be open and honest.