I admit it. Actually, I love male babysitters. Boys don’t sit around and talk on the phone, they don’t bury their head in novels, and they don’t grab the remote and watch a movie — about horses. Boy babysitters build scavenger hunts, make duct-tape wallets, make peanut butter milkshakes, and play hide-and-seek with the family dog. Am I stereotyping girls? Or am I merely describing what happened with one girl babysitter?
An article by Jeff Zaslow, Moving On, “Are We Teaching Our Kids to Be Fearful Of Men,” (Aug. 23, 2007) points out that John Walsh, host of TV’s America’s Most Wanted, advised parents to never hire a male babysitter. Zaslow reveals a picture of the state of Virginia’s Department of Health’s new ad campaign for its sex-abuse hot-line:
Billboards featured photos of a man holding a child’s hand. The caption: “It doesn’t feel right when I see them together.”
I won’t post the photo, because I find it so disturbing. Sadly, I think, we’re not only teaching our kids to fear men, but we’re teaching men to stay away from kids. Is that healthy? Are kids safer?
I was at a party Saturday, and talked with a man who loved baseball. He heard about a group of 13-year old boys who wanted to play baseball, but they weren’t good enough to get on a team. So, he formed a team and coached them. He wasn’t married yet, and had no kids. Soon, the talk started: Why is this guy, who doesn’t even have kids on the team, so interested in these boys?
Use common sense of course. But not just when it comes to males — but when it comes to ANYONE who you are trusting with your children. Stereotyping and building bias never really solves problems. It takes us away from the bigger issues. In this case, we should focus on tuning into our kids, listening, and getting to know them. Because, danger can come from anywhere. We need to get close enough to our kids so they feel safe talking to us, and learning how to sense if something just isn’t right. All men are not the source of our abuse problems. Zaslow interviewed Benjamin Radford, managing editor of the science magazine Skeptical Inquirer, and who also researches statistics on predators. He says, according to Zaslow:
“The number of men who will hurt a child is tiny compared to the population…” Virtually all of the time, if a child is lost or in trouble, he will be safe going to the nearest male stranger.”
Found recently after returning home and relieving male babysitter of his duties:
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I was offended by that Virginia program, too — but I understand it. Unfortunately, Walsh is right — it IS usually guys doing the molesting. Apply the rule with intelligence and insight, but if you have to make a snap call and go with percentages, thats the way to go.
My husband and I have talked about this too. If innocent men are made to feel like predators without cause, we do ourselves an injustice. I want my son to have good role models; I don’t want my daughter to fear men. (Of course, it goes without saying that I want them to be safe, to use good judgement, to be protected by adults.)
I agree wholeheartedly. Not all men are sick pigs out to hurt kids.
Great post Susie. Thought-provoking
Okay, on a lighter note…I am completely dense: what do those notes mean?!
Signed,
Usually Have A Quicker Wit Than This
It’s scavenger hunt!! Messages, is the answering machine. Ice Cream is stored — is the freezer, showers is the bathtub.
Well said!
That ad make me so angry.
As to Bill’s comment above, I think it matters more on teaching our kids that in any situation where ANYBODY (male or female) tries to touch them strangely/tries to hurt them to run, scream, hit, whatever and to tell an any adult right away.
I’m shocked that John Walsh would have the nerve to come up with that statement. It was his wife REVE that left Adam in the toy department of sears while she went shopping for a lamp. To leave a 6 year old child unattended in a store is gross parental neglect. I feel sad for Walsh’s, but parents need to be held responsible for their actions.
As someone who was sexually abused by my mother throughout my childhood, I’m doubly offended at these ad campaigns about men. Especially considering how GODAMN HARD it was to get anyone to listen to me when I tried to tell them my mother was abusing them. It’s men like JOHN WALSH who make people feel that “a mother would never do that” and I “must have just mistake normal affection for something else. Maybe you need help if you would accuse your mother of such a thing…”
Believe me when I say that women abuse just as often as men – my mother’s inspired me to research these things more in depth and in a more academic setting – they just GET AWAY WITH IT in our society. After all, a woman patting a little child’s butt is looked at as somebody being affectionate. A man doing the same? No way. Women feel incredibly SAFE and SECURE molesting children. It’s so wrong.
-Lex
What are the the lifetime odds of *surviving* childhood and never being molested by a babysitter. Probably more than 9999 out of 10000.
So what if males are several times more likely than females to molest your kids. Maybe your kid’s odds of surviving unscathed falls from 9999 to 9997 out of 10000. Big deal.
Compare this with the very high risk that they will miss out on many opportunities if you don’t let them spend time alone with positive male role models.