I gave up yoga the very month of WoYoPracMo: 31 days of yoga. Skipping yoga this month wasn’t intentional –I simply began shoving off my yoga mat as a way to catch up, here and there, on some sleep and deadlines in a world that gives me so few hours of solitude. Then, I started to rationalize, to my yoga friends, that maybe I was doing yoga everyday, because at least I always did Shavasana — relaxation pose.
The problem was, I got hooked on not doing yoga. Once I began calculating how much extra time I would gain by skipping a session here and there, I realized I had struck time-machine gold. I snatched up the minutes as quickly as if they were marbles scattering across a floor. Once I dipped my toe into those hours normally reserved for yoga, deadlines began to melt away, and so did my stress level.
Or so I thought. Truth be told, the only treasure I really found was Fool’s Gold.
As the month wore on, I found a new friend. Insomnia. At first, I didn’t catch the connection between my dwindling yoga practice and my newfound familiarity with the ceiling in my bedroom, my sheets, and my pillow. Without missing a beat, insomnia showed up on my pillow night after night with increasing frequency, first making its appearance known as restless legs. RLS is a syndrome I inherited from my mother, and one that must be managed to avoid a night of pain and lack of sleep. If you’re a sufferer of RLS, you know the drill; pick from the list of remedies and hope one works.
But, over the years of my faithful yoga practice, I forgot what RLS was. In fact, I thought I was cured from RLS. Yoga had sufficiently stretched out my sciatic nerve through the long, deep slow hip-openers, as the twists uncoiled the tensions built up through the day along my spinal column. I hadn’t realized that the benefits of pigeon pose (the queen of the yoga hip opener poses) wash away with water at the dawn of a new day.
RLS does eventually pass in the night, leaving your body exhausted and worn out from the tension to sleep – even if it takes until 2 a.m. Yet, just as my body was opened for sleep, molehills became mountains. Insomnia picked up tiny threads of anxiety that were hidden, tucked away in my brain, and exploded them in the form of movies that played out in my imagination while I watched, helpless. Insomnia showed me no mercy. Maybe, if I had heeded the words of Shiva Rae, and “made an orbit around the sun of the heart,” sitting Indian style, and making small circles, those nasty little demons would have left me before the hours of sleep, resolved.
As I lay there, staring at the ceiling, worrying myself sick, the manifestations spread to my shoulders and neck, magnifying kinks that did not get worked out through the simple stretch of downward dog. My sleepless state had reached, in my nightmarish, exhausted state, pandemic proportions. When morning came, and I realized how ridiculously inept my horrors were, and I laughed. Sleepily.
One night – the worst and last night of the entire nightmare – I walked all the way down the three flights of stairs to the kitchen to get a drink of water, I shielded my eyes against every digital clock along the way, as I couldn’t bear to see how late, or early, it really was. But, by the time I made it to the refrigerator, I couldn’t resist looking at that green light: 4:35. Horrifying to think my alarm would be going off in less than 3 hours; and I was still very much in need of a good night’s sleep.
As I walked back up the stairs, my mind started to recollect other nights, in my past, when I had confronted night after night with the dark, quiet house, worn out from exhaustion. That’s when I made the connection between my sleeplessness and lack of yoga. This nighttime wakefulness was precisely the problem of my pre-yoga days.
What had originally started out as a great time-saver had instead led me to the most exhausted I have been in a long time.
The best part about not doing yoga is doing yoga again. I took my time, and eased my body back into its familiar routine, giving myself lots of long deep breaths, and the freedom to not go as deep as I had in the days before, but, rather to ease myself back into the long stretches. That night, I did, sleep like a baby.
Filed under: Life, Yoga by SusieJ - 2 Comments →