What is it that you want to hear
when you share bad news with a friend? I’m working on an article that explores this very topic. Specifically, the worst things people have said to you when you have shared devastating news — not news of an “end” but of a tragedy that will require continuous moderation, care and vigilance. Drama that will continue on for days and months. Something along the brilliant lines of that callous minister I talked to after my Mom died, who said, “What if this had happened to your kids? You should be grateful!”
Sometimes, I think, people are just so anxious to fill those pregnant pauses after you share bad news, that they say the first thing that comes into their mind; without thinking. Silence can be good, but I think we are driven to want to do something, to say something that will ease the hurt. We all know that’s an impossible task.
What was the nicest thing you heard while in the midst of heartbreak? The first Christmas without my Mom was especially hard; I knew she wasn’t home making cookies anticipating the arrival of her grandchildren, and she wasn’t e-mailing me questions with links to Toys-R-Us with questions, “Do you think they’ll love this,” and me responding right back, “You’re spending way too much money.”
So a friend sent me a simple card, with a poem. She didn’t write it; but it was exactly what I needed to hear, and what I wanted to hear, at Christmas:
“Perhaps they are not stars in the sky…but openings for our loved ones to shine thru to let us know they are at peace.”
Great comfort came from those words, as I stared into the bleak, dark winter sky at the sky.
If you’d like to share your experience, but want it kept private, just e-mail me and I will “change the name” to protect the innocent.
