Susiej

He told us everything; he left so much unsaid.

I became more intrigued just as he was jetting off to catch a plane, and the group interview with Nicholas Sparks, author of the book, Nights in Rodanthe, (and The Notebook), was coming to its close. The movie, starring Richard Gere and Diane Lane, opens in theaters September 26, 2008.

Sparks cited Dickens’ famous sentence in literature, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,”  as the epitome of literary efficiency. “I would be considered lightly edited,” Sparks says, because “one of the tenets under which I write is efficiency… efficiency is incredibly important to develop in quality literature.”

He told us everything.
When asked how he is able to write such well-rounded female characters, he said, “I have not the slightest idea.” Although he does have a standard group of answers, all true:  “I had a wonderful mother.  I married very well.  All of the most important people in my life at the present time and throughout my publishing career have been women.”

He also told us how he writes half of a novel, and sends this to his agent, a creating writing major, who does a pretty significant line edit. “She suggests deletions of passages.”  From there, the book goes to his editor, “who fills in story gaps.”  And if you’re wondering about timing, “I could do, for most of the vast majority of my books, a total editing process of less than 24 working hours.” His first book was the same.

He sold pharmaceuticals, but didn’t want to do this for the rest of his life.  He had a wife, kids and a mortgage, and wasn’t interested in climbing the corporate ladder.  “So, I asked, what can I do in my spare time and chase my dream and try to make it? What could I conceivable do?”  He had already written two novels, one at 19 and one at 22. “So when I sat down at 28 I said Okay, I’m going to give myself three chances to write a novel and if I don’t succeed, then I’ll know I’m not cut out to be a writer.”

The first novel, which he wrote over a six month period, was The Notebook.  He says, “It wasn’t as hard, it was more the consistency of putting yourself in the chair and doing it.”  He never missed a day of work, didn’t miss much sleep, and didn’t miss spending time with the family because they were in bed most of the time he worked.  He worked once the kids went to bed at 9, and wrote until 12, and half a day on the weekends.

What He Left Unsaid.
Sparks’ book, Three Weeks with My Brother, was based on his trip around the world, and his twofold struggle.  “I was at a point in my life when I was very, very busy. And the number two, finding a way to enjoy it. And that was really what the journey that I was going through was about.”

“By the time I went it felt almost as it it was a burden to go. And that is a shame because that reflects an imbalance in your life.  And to correct that imbalance took time.”

The answers to the puzzle of how Sparks corrected that imbalance can be found in his book, Three Weeks with My Brother. So, Mr. Sparks, what new revelations can you share with us as the book left your heart? A book that was difficult to write, because of the challenge of  “reliving experiences that I’d rather not get emotionally close to again,” he said. “There were tragedies that struck my family and I needed to go back to those places, to put you back there.”

After he admitted he will take such a trip again, he was asked,  “Has your wife taken a similar trip?”  No, he said.  “Does she plan to?”  Sparks said, “Maybe not three weeks, but without question, she will.”

Will there be a Three Weeks With My Brother Part II? Still, I”m left wondering, why isn’t his wife taking a three week trip, reaping the benefits of the lesson her husband learned about correcting imbalances in one’s life?

Filed under: Life, news, read, reviews by SusieJ - 3 Comments →

Silly of me to believe I could hide from her. But Kristen, I think, gets up earlier than me, and she beat me to it. The email came on Monday, a request from the Parent Bloggers Network to show-off our bathing-suit clad bodies, as part of BOCA’s effort to promote their new “Balanced Living” group. It’s all about eating better and living better.

I’m busy packing to go to the lake, and I thought maybe I’d just slip away and get out of here into the land of wifi-lessness, and all of this would be over by the time I got back. But,the lovely Kristen challenged me, before I could get out of Dodge.

I have no problem with my thighs. I was one of those skinny, lanky girls who had no chest. Long legs and BIG FEET and knobby knees. My feet are horribly out of proportion with the rest of my body, and my knees never touch on the inside. I looked awkward as a teen. Skinny and bony… but awkward.

Pregnancy, of course, blessed me with 70 extra pounds the first time. Back then, I craved Big Macs and Italian Subs. (All for the baby, I said.) Then, for the first time in my life, I had cleavage. I found that if I had cleavage, my big feet and knobby knees didn’t matter too much. And the extra padding around my legs actually kept my knees looking rather natural and nice.

The first baby’s colic sent me reeling to a yoga mat for solace. When I started practicing yoga, I found I no longer craved the Big Macs, and I subconsciously took up the “Balanced Living” principals that Boca is talking about.

When baby two, three and four came, I was out numbered, and found it vitally important that I strengthen what yoga calls, my “core.” A strong belly, in yoga terms, is a metaphor for is a strong mind, a strong aura and a strong will. This I needed to have the stamina needed to raise four boys. So, now lots of “breaths of fire” are part of my routine.

Back to the bathing suit thing. I have a long waist, and one piece bathing suits are the kiss of death for me. My shoulders pull the whole bottom of the bathing suit up so high, that I am then obscene. So, a two-piece suit is the only thing I wear… along with a nice and long cover-up. That only comes off when I am serving as a human bungee cord, in my efforts to survive at the pool. So not only does yoga keep me young, it also keeps my aura toned. Now, realize, none of this wouldn’t have happened, unless I had suffered through one, tiny colicky baby.

So, I wake up this morning, check my e-mails, and see Kristen’s challenge. Next, I find myself pulling off my jammies, and doning a bathing suit and taking a picture. Why? I will ask myself tonight when I go to bed, did I do this. So again, an unwashed, unmaked-up face picture of me.

See, all these extra mommy pounds actually make my knees look great!

“This post was written for Parent Bloggers Networkk as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by Boca.”

Filed under: reviews by SusieJ - 13 Comments →

Possible? Oh yeah. It’s the only way to eat out with kids. Is it expensive? Around $30. (Not including the wine!), for dinner for six. Plus, you’ll probably have enough left-over for tomorrow’s lunch. Here’s how it works.

• Pick a nice high-ceiling Italian Bistro, with low-light, that you and your husband love. Make sure it has one with a wine list.
• The high ceilings in the bistro cause noise to echo around the restaurant, so if you’re kids are fussy and whinny, no one will even notice. The roar of the restaurant while drown out the noise to even your ears.
• Plan to arrive around 5 or 5:30, before the kids are too tired, and the restaurant is not yet flooded with diners.
• On your way to your table, ask the hostess to drop some of the bar’s bread-sticks on the table to keep the kids busy while you wait for the waitress.
• The table is usually covered in white paper, which is a perfect canvass for the crayons your hostess will give each of your children.
• Keep the flow moving. Know exactly what you want to order when the waitress stops by the first time to get the drink orders. This allows her to get your ticket up to the chef right away so that you can be served quickly. A key to keeping the whole evening low-stress.
• You and your husband can pick whatever you like, so enjoy yourselves.
• Order milk for the kids.
• Toss the kid’s menu. You don’t need it and it’s much more expensive. Instead, order an adult sized pizza with the toppings your kids love. An alternative is to split an adult-sized pasta order — plain, or with their favorite sauce.
• Ask the waitress to bring the kid’s food along with yours. I have never understood the rationale behind a waitress offering to bring the kid’s meal out first. Does this mean that as soon as the kids are done eating, the kitchen crew is coming over to entertain your children while you eat? What will the kids do, if they’ve already eaten, and then they have to sit around and wait for you to eat? That’s a recipe for disaster.
• Instead, ask the waitress to ask the baker for a ball of fresh, raw dough for each child to knead while they wait.
• Soon after the bread dough arrives, a basket of fresh bread, with dipping olive oil, will arrive. The kids will probably fill up on this, while they continue to doodle with their crayons and sip their drinks.
• Before you know it, your entrees are served, the pizza arrives, and you’re thoroughly enjoying your meal.
• Ask the waitress for a box to take home your pizza, which will probably end up being tomorrow’s lunch.

You are entirely pampered by the staff all evening, and the relaxed atmosphere makes it much easier to play that game of tic tack toe with your child. The thought of going to a fast-food kid-friendly restaurant with greasy fried animal parts is a world away. And, I think you might be surprised to see that not only will the fast-food meal be more calories, but is probably more expensive than this elegant evening out, when you factor in the the amount of food you’re really getting for $30.

Awesome.

This is my advice to any “Rookie Mom.” But if I were heading to a baby shower, I’d include Whitney and Heather’s new book, The Rookie Mom’s Handbook: 250 Activities to Do with (and Without!) Your Baby, along with the new layette. Want more Mom advice? Head over to the Parent Blogger’s Network, to see what other Moms are saying. What great tip have I missed? What’s your prime advice to a Rookie Mom?

Filed under: Life, parenting, reviews, try this by SusieJ - 18 Comments →

When the leaves begin to turn in the Fall in 2008, I will be sending my third boy to first grade. Full-day, for the first time in our lives.

• Gone will be the long hours of play on the floor with his younger brother as they build their wooden train set.
• Gone will be the mindless conversations between brothers over lunch about which cereal bowl holds the most grains.
• Gone will be the friendly ballad, “You’ve Got A Friend in Me,” while both transform into either Buzz Lightyear or Woody.
• Gone will be cape crusaders quest as they fly up and down the stairs with their utility belt to capture the villainous Joker, Penguin, or Cat Woman, as they speed through the house in their imaginary Bat Mobile.

With Mother’s Day approaching, the boys already have a plan in action. They have the perfect gift in mind for Mom, as she assumes her new role as the primary play mate of the youngest brother. We’ll get her this:

Because, around here, everyday is Mother’s Day.

As part of their responsibility to the global community, Johnson’s has hand-selected dozens of charities around the world that mirror their deep commitment to caring for the health and well-being of mothers and children through Johnson’s Baby Cause - not just on Mother’s Day, but every day of the year. To learn more about this global charity work, check out PBN. Be sure to check out their celebrity e-Bay auction — a chance to win Matt Damon’s diaper bag.

Also, check out my post at Midwest Parents, on how to spot a fake smile.

Filed under: Laugh, Life, boy, reviews by SusieJ - 9 Comments →

Roxanne’s forbidden after-school visits to her boyfriend’s house soon turned to overnight ones… even on school nights. How did she pull that off? She simply told her Mom she was spending the night at my house. So, what happened when Roxanne’s Mom called my Mom and asked to speak to Roxanne? More importantly, what would Rose Rock, Chris Rock’s Mom, who raised ten children and 17 foster children, have to say about Roxanne’s Mother’s parenting skills? Read more here.

Filed under: memories, reviews by SusieJ - No Comments →

I have a kid’s summer sneaker/sandal shoe review up for Vincent Shoes,™ here, which also gives you 20% off all full-price items through April 30. Just use this code, “SPRING-DEAL-8.” Plus, there’s free shipping on all orders over $75.

Filed under: reviews by SusieJ - 1 Comment →

I’ve made a pact with myself, resulting from 12 years of managing child paraphernalia. The only toys I keep are the wooden ones. Everything else, I will give away. Nothing plastic will make it to my attic, where my boys will come home someday with their own children, as I eagerly pull out treasure after treasure and say, “Your Dad used to love to wear his blue Superman cape while he spent hours building this train.” When my boys are men, it will be a pleasure to sit with someone else, who looks like my son did, and hold these same toys, keeping the magic of childhood alive forever.

The toys are the memory triggers. It will be hard to remember, just what they said, just how intent they were, without the actual toy to remind me. I forget so many things as time slips by.

There are exceptions to the “no-plastics” rule. Anything Toy Story related will not make into the box that I give away. Virtually all of these toys are plastic, and in the hands of my son these toys had life in them. He lined them up at the breakfast table while he ate his hummus. This one held a rocket launcher in his left hand, and this one talked. The web of his childhood, the man he would become, was intertwined within the life he gave to this heap of lime-green plastic. I know it is selfish, but packing these toys away to give to someone else, to recycle them, is like selling the soul. No, I can’t give these away.

Andy, in Toy Story, hung on to his toys. The entire movie is built on the romantic notion that childhood can be savored, prolonged, and immortalized if we are diligent to keep the toys around in the rooms where we live.

I am worse with clothes. I’m keeping them; for a quilt I might learn to make some day. That pair of faded blue overalls he wore while playing on the dust-bunny covered floor is more precious to me than any christening outfit could ever be.

Fortunately, two more boys came along just after the first two, delaying the inevitable moment when I will round up all the toys into a box and put them away, or, recycle them. In 12 years, I have yet to face bare floors. As much as the mess overwhelms me, and wears me down, the day my house is devoid of little figures, tiny screws, and battery compartments that no longer stay attached, will be a sad day.

The toys in our house have not been without their own mishaps. There was the day when Buzz was sat up in the driveway, and Daddy rolled over it with his car, and Buzz was smashed to smithereens.  Lost pieces, and things that have been chewed beyond recognition. Still, from what is left, I garnered the courage to roundup a collection of things my children are no longer interested in, could no longer wear, and believed my memories could survive without. I went to the children’s resale shop. They turned me down. “These items,” they said, “were too worn. We can’t sell these.” Rather than hang my head in shame, I walked out with my box and thought of the Velveteen Rabbit, and the day he became real, like the skin horse, from so much love.

The concept of reusing, recycling is now an e-version with Zwaggle, an online community of socially responsible parents who want to do their share to give back to other parents, their kids and the environment. Zwaggle says they make sharing with neighbors across the street or across the country easier and more effective than ever before. Maybe, if I can pull myself together to round up another box, and if our stuff isn’t too “loved,” I’ll try again, with Zwaggle.

For the Parent Bloggers Network.

Filed under: Life, boy, memories, reviews by SusieJ - 10 Comments →

I grew up in a sleepy little town, and when my Mom wasn’t sewing, or crocheting, she was reading. Mesmerized, she was, as my Dad watched TV, and she had her head buried in a book. Completely oblivious to the scenes on the television, and my Dad’s laughter at the punch lines.

When I was old enough and ready, she took me down to the local fire-station, which also housed our town library, and introduced me to the librarian. From there, I was directed to the Nancy Drew section, and The Secret of the Clock was placed in my hands. These were my Mom’s favorite books when she was a growing up, and they soon became mine too.

I soon learned about my Mom’s peculiar habit: She would read the last page of the book, and then decide if she wanted to read the rest of the book! “But then, you know who did it, and the story is ruined!” But to her, the fun was in watching how the author strung the characters, the plot and the mystery all together.

I have never once, in my life, read the last page of a book first. I earn the right to read the last page of the book. Still, my Mom and I shared a vast passion of mystery books, even though I often had to remind her that, I did not want to know the ending. From Nancy Drew, I jumped to artsy mysterious, like Griffin & Sabine: The Complete Postcards.

When I traveled, there was a time when I always had a Lillian Jackson Braun Cat Mystery audio book in the car. Mr. Quilleran was quite comforting to listen to while driving. Then, I found the Kinsey Millhone Mysteries, and my Mom read them as fast as they were published. “I wonder what she’ll write for “X”,” we would say.

Have you read Blue Jelly: Love Lost and the Lessons of Canning? I love that book, and no, it isn’t a mystery.

When MotherPie asked about the books I read, I immediately thought of how much time I do spend reading picture books right now, and how much I adore picture books. Some make me cry, some make me laugh, and I’m so grateful I’ve had 12 years to have someone to read them to. Favorites? My Lucky Day, Blue Bowl Down: An Appalachian Rhyme, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane, and of course the narcoleptic, Little Red Riding Hood. Actually, I can think of 100 more of them to list right here… but I won’t. I have never liked Dr. Seuss, but, my boys do, so I’ve read more than I care to remember of Dr. Seuss. Oh, and how I love Clay Boy.

As a Mother, I have read more self-help, parenting and Zen books than I care to mention. My favorites are The First Six Months, and Setting Limits. Theology, interests me too, as parenting has led me to pray more than I have every found necessary before. I would put Heart’s Code in that category, as it focuses on the interweaving of mind, body and spirit — which I think of as just one word now.

I wish my Mom were here to see that publishers send me books to review. She would have been proud. But, MotherPie, I wish they would send me more cookbooks, as I read them as if they were novels. I am fascinated by the science of food.

Over the past few years I’ve been able to sneak in a few grown-up gems, like Mr. Pip, and The Kite Runner.

I am behind in my reading what new and hot, as I am just now starting, for the first time the The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency (Book 1). This, is an amazing and wonderful book, that I am delighted — so delighted to read. Next on my agenda is that The Liar’s Diary, which I won from the always insightful, Magpie Musings. Next, MotherPie’s suggestion of Rain of Gold by Victor Villasenor. And, just like my Mom, I am always recommending books to my friends… this is one of the reasons I started to blog. I wanted a way to keep all of my recommendations in order.

Still, my Mom made such an impression on me by introducing me to Nancy Drew, that, even though I have boys, I couldn’t resist the temptation to introduce them to the female sleuth. Now, we read a chapter from Nancy Drew at night at the lake. This is the biggest piece of myself I can give to my kids from my past.

What do you do with your kids that you did as a kid? PBN wants to know, as they’re announcing the new Highlight’s For Children publication for ages 2-6, High Five.

And speaking of reading, I learned from reading William Allen’s book, Walking Distance, about the beautiful sound of corn growing in the summer. It’s a “Midwestern thing.” So, I will be joining a fun bunch of bloggers over at Midwest Parents. More to come.

Filed under: Life, blog, read, reviews by SusieJ - 12 Comments →

A boy, we’ll call him Calvin, asked my son to carry his backpack for him, after an injury left him on crutches. I was proud. My son is kind, thoughtful…a nice guy. (You can read the full article here, if the link at the bottom doesn’t work.)

Calvin had been in my son’s life in 1st and 2nd grades, but the the friendship had grown apart over the last four years, as my son’s interest evolved into sports, and Calvin’s didn’t.

Over the next couple of days, I began to notice the little snippets tacked on to the end of my son’s stories that revealed how much of Calvin’s incapacitation was influencing my son’s school day. It wasn’t just that Calvin insisted on walking the long way around the gym, making my son miss the regular group of guys he normally walks home with, there were other things. My son carried Calvin’s lunch tray, which moved my son to an entirely different “lunch table,” where the conversation introduced words to his vocabulary that made my ears burn. (He did share these new words with me as a “what do you think about this” conversation.) My son was no longer sitting with his regular group of friends.

Then, I heard about the funny trick Calvin played on my son.

“He left his binder, pencils and papers on his desk, and said I had to put all his stuff away for him.” Calvin’s hands and arms are fine — his leg is injured, I thought. “While I was stuffing his stuff in his backpack, Calvin left and went to the elevator, pushed the button, and left without me. So I had to carry his backpack, plus my backpack, all the way down the stairs. Calvin just laughed.”

Tell me more, I said. “Well, he calls me his slave… but he’s just kidding,” he said. “And, he snaps his fingers, and tells me to hurry up.” He added, “actually, he can’t ’snap’ his fingers… he just pretends.” To learn more about how I un-rescued my child, continue reading Your Child’s Strengths, here.

Comments closed here — continued on review.

(Review for for PBN)

Filed under: Life, boy, reviews by SusieJ - 1 Comment →

Not a drop of white flour. . . and what a sweet day it was.

I can’t help myself. The kids were home from school again, winter storms keep coming, we’ve been stuck inside too long, and I can think of nothing else to do except cook and bake. I was inspired by a recipe in King Arthur Flour Whole Grain Baking for a multi-grain snicker-doodle. Stay with me… grains like barley which impart a rich malt flavor, and are amazingly healthy, and ground oats.

While I was grinding the oats in my food processor, I began to worry about the nutrition component in my picky eater’s current diet, and I added almonds and walnuts to the food processor too, adding Omega 3s and protein. The result was the best-tasting snicker-doodle I have ever had. . . in . . . my . . . life. And my picky eaters got some nutrition too. For more Best Shot Mondays, click here.

First make the coating and set aside:

Coating

• 1/3 cup sugar
• 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
• Put the coating in a Ziploc bag, and keep it away from the kids.

The dough recipe:

• 3/4 cup (1.5 sticks, 6 oz.) unsalted butter.
• 1 1/2 cups (10.5 oz.) sugar
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 tablespoon orange juice
• 2 large eggs
• 1 1/3 cups (4 5/8 oz.) old-fashioned rolled oats, ground for 30 seconds in a food processor
• 1 cup (4 oz.) barley flour*
• 1/2 cup 2 ounces whole wheat flour*
• 1/4 cup ground nuts* (Almonds, walnuts, pistachios… whatever you have on hand.) Grind them to a fine powder. Add some of the 1/2 cup wheat flour to keep the oils in the nuts to a nice powder.

1. Cream the butter, sugar, baking powder, salt and vanilla.
2. Beat in the orange juice and eggs.
3. Add the dry ingredients
4. Refrigerate the dough overnight. I couldn’t wait… we froze it and used it in an hour.
5. Tell the kids to stop getting into the refrigerator/freezer.
6. Pull the dough out of its cold environment.
7. Preheat the oven to 350, lightly grease two baking sheets or use parchment paper.
8. Roll tablespoons of dough into balls.
9. Drop into a Ziploc bag, with the “coating.”
10. Shake gently to coat the cookies.
11. Place on baking sheet, with enough spacing for the cookies to flatten while they bake.
12. Bake for 12-14 minutes.
13. Save some for me.

*Always store in the freezer. They are full of oils and can go rancid.

Filed under: Life, best shot, eat, reviews, try this by SusieJ - 28 Comments →

my latest book review is up, Sex Detox, for the Parent Bloggers Network. The plan? Thirty days without sex to rev up your sex life. Check it out, Abstinence makes the Heart Grow Fonder.

Filed under: Life, read, reviews by SusieJ - 2 Comments →

There is a secret to eating healthy, and not calling for that emergency greasy pizza box… it’s in your pantry. More precisely, what you put in your pantry. You can be sure of one thing: meal time will be crazy — every night. Here’s the only chance you’ve got to put yourself a bit ahead of the game, and give yourself a shot at cooking a healthy meal.

Stocking your pantry (and this includes your refrigerator and freezer) with the right ingredients, can make all the difference between desperation about what to fix, and the accompanying guilt for ordering too much fast-food. Once you’ve got your list, don’t forget to make yourself a handy little re-usable grocery list so that you can keep a running tab on what you’re running low on. Plus, Kroger’s new web site lets you see their weekly ad on-line so you can stock up on key pantry items the week they’re on sale. They also have recipes, and stuff about food storage and safety.

In my first installment of three, I will list 13 things here to keep stocked in your pantry. The next installments of this series will cover freezer and the refrigerator. I’m also giving you a great recipe to make a meal from your pantry, without even opening your refrigerator.

13 Must-Haves to Stock in your Pantry

1. Red or white wine
2. Pasta and couscous
3. Onions (I prefer red) and garlic
4. Canned Beans: Garbanzo, Black Cannellini (looks like Northern, but they’re not. These taste like butter better.) You can do anything with these three beans.
5. Marinara Sauce
6. Canned tomatoes and tomato paste. (Be sure to get the ones with the extra veggies and spices.)
7. Canned tuna. Albacore is the BEST.
8. Vinegars: Balsamic, Red Wine and Apple Cider.
9. Oils: Extra Virgin (for salads and bread). Extra Light Olive Oil for baking and sauteing.
10. Salts: Sea, and table salt.
11. Herbs: Black Pepper, Rosemary, Oregano, Whole Nutmeg, Red Pepper, Paprika and Cinnamon.
12. Jars of Greek Olives and a jar of capers.
13. Dried mushrooms.

Here’s a delicious fast and easy, no-cook 100% healthy pantry meal:

White Bean, Tuna and Red Onion Salad

Ingredients:

• 1 can of tuna, drained and rinsed
• 1 can of cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
• 2 tablespoons of capers
• 1/2 red onion, thinly sliced
• 2 tablespoons of capers
• Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• Red Wine Vinegar
• Black Pepper and a dash of Salt

Place beans in a large serving bowl, and add tuna. Break up tuna with a fork. Scatter red onion and capers over tuna; then drizzle with oil, and red wine vinegar. Season with salt and pepper.

or

Black Beans, Couscous and tomatoes

Cook one cup of couscous, per package directions

Drain and rinse one can of black beans

Once couscous is done, fluff with fork, add beans and tomatoes and heat through.

You could even open the fridge and add some cheddar.

To find other ways to cook healthy, check out PBN’s blogblast

Filed under: Life, eat, health, reviews by SusieJ - 36 Comments →