Gulit and Motherhood, Part I
Did I fill them up with enough love? I wonder about this as I look at the registration form for middle school, and the other form here for kindergarten. Of course, I answer “no”. I remember all the times I folded laundry instead of sitting with him to run a car along the floor. And, I did a lot of laundy. And then, there were the times I lost my temper.
These thoughts, I think, are at the heart of every Mother’s guilt. 
Is coming to terms with the shortcomings of being a mother a matter of forgiving ourselves for being human, as I read on Chicken-and-Cheese? Or is it deeper than that? Is it more like the words of Melodee, “I really did think I’d be a better mother than I am.” She sums up guilt so perfectly in her post, and you can follow this link Actual Unretouched Photo to read more. After reading what she wrote, you’ll agree she’s probably a better Mom than she expected she’d be. And most of us are.
There are some benefits to feeling guilty. Especially when we use it to improve something about ourselves – such as getting help controlling our temper, if that’s what we need.
But too much guilt needs to be re-directed. I was given a chance, (or do I call it a gift?) to have the curtain pulled back briefly to see that Motherhood is really much bigger than the petty things we feel guilty about. This chance came in a very painful way; but, nevertheless, what I saw about the power and grace of love reassured me. And once I saw that, I started to relax a little more, and I started to let love flow where guilt once lived.
When I let go of the guilt, I naturally became a better Mother to my children because they have more of me right now. My mind isn’t somewhere else.
But I forget. I feel guilt again from time to time. But when I stop, I realize that I have 4 defenses to help me put things back into perspective. You might have others, and I’d love to hear about them.
Here they are, and I will explore each one over this week.
1) Underestimating how difficult the job of parenting really is.
2) No need for irrelevant deadlines on the infinite relationship you share with your child.
3) Focus on the invisible acts.
4) Have faith in your child’s intuition, by remembering the power of love.
More to come…
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Hi Susie,
What I find that is the nasty little motivator behind guilt is fear. If you can identify what is causing the fear, you will be a giant step ahead of resolving it. Actually what I firmly believe is that there really are only two emotions in life…fear and love. We choose each day to operate from one or the other. And which one you choose will dictate the quality of your life. So, start choosing love, look at the fear for what it is, then let it go because you really have nothing to fear at all.
Great article. I enjoyed your honesty.
[...] I do have a happy ending to all of this Motherhood guilt stuff. I can say it in just a few words; Our kids are bigger people than we give them credit for. Here is the explanation of Motherhood Guilt, Part II. [...]