Home Movies and Grieving
A simple ten minute move of my dog’s life. In those ten minutes, you realize that Max was a time marker. He goes through life so quickly, and we age so slowly, that we hardly notice the changes.
Max was 13 last summer, with tumors, and could no longer run. It was painful to watch him try to walk. My husband tried to avoid it as long as he could – but here we were – leaving for a 8 our plane trip to Idaho – packing 4 kids and ourselves – my husband nervous about competing in his first Ironman (hence the trip) — that’s the day we did it. Things were crazy, hectic – and nobody had time to grieve Max.
Our 4-year old, knowing that Max would soon be leaving us — started asking me questions – like “Did Max have any birthdays?” “Did you know that, one time, I saw Max RUN!!” He was pleading Max’s case. “Maybe Max isn’t OLD.”
Despite the flurry going on in our house, I captured his questions on my video camera. And there it stayed, in the middle of the excitement about the Ironman and our vacation.
I really didn’t know what to do with this portion of the tape – as it didn’t fit in with all the happy moments of the summer. But his words kept running through the back of my head.
I finally heard what he was really asking. “Mom, I don’t know Max – I’ve only known him 4 years out of the 13 he’s had. What was he like as a puppy? What did he look like when he ran? How is he different today.”
I answered my 4-year-old’s questions with a 10-minute DVD of Max’s life. And, it gave us a chance to grieve. The video runs pictures of Max as a puppy, interspersed with video of each of my 4 boys as babies climbing on Max. The song I chose? Elton John’s “Friends.” “It’s a crime that we should age (just as we watch the baby footage of each child have his turn jumping on Max) and “When you’re friends are there, everything’s all right.”
The video shows 13 years fast-forwarded into 10 lovely minutes, and you realize how fast time is moving every minute.
And it gently shows my 4-year-old that this was how Max used to be and it was time for Max to go.
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