The Teen Whisperer
My husband slams his brakes, yet we both fear there won’t be enough time to stop before
two four-wheelers, driven by two teenagers, jump the ditch and speed on the road in front of us. We had watched them race each other across the field toward the road. Assuming, but not quite sure, they were going to stop. At the last second, they both make eye contact with us, and one does pull back to stop.The other one, slows down for a brief second, and then speeds up.
Despite the oncoming traffic, this kid revs up his four-wheeler and continues to jump across the road. We did have enough time to stop; we all escaped by seconds, and we are stunned at this kid’s audacity to keep going despite the risk. My heart is beating wildly from the adrenalin rush of what almost happened. Angry that this kid would drag us, and my four boys in the back seat, into his own teen drama to “prove how tough he is.” Part of me wants to stop at one of the nearby farmhouses to find his parents and tell them what he did. The other part of me fears the parents won’t care.
I’m tempted to use the knowledge I just gleaned from reading Mike Linderman’s and Gary Brozek’s book, called The Teen Whisperer: How to Break Through the Silence and Secrecy of Teenage Life, a new book by HarperCollins. 
The word “whisperer” is a welcome change to all that we fear about teen angst, rebellion, and drama. Straight from Trout Creek, Montana, population less than 1,000, Linderman is a real-life cowboy, and licensed counselor, who sprinkles his advice with phrases like “We’ve got some work to do, and we’re burning daylight.”
With one child already a tween, and 3 more coming right behind him, I was thrilled when PBN asked me to review The Teen Whisperer. What does a teen need, and what can I do now to help my kids prepare for those tumultuous years? Linderman has figured out that “the one group their kids most want to belong to is their family.” Remember back to what it was like when you were a teen… isn’t that really what you wanted? When your child is a baby or a toddler, their total dependence on you for meals, cleaning and entertainment makes it very clear to them that they belong, and are loved by you. However, when the toddler grows into a self-sufficient teen, our physical presence is not needed, and most of our physical contact is severed. In Linderman’s work with troubled teens at Spring Creek, a boarding school, the teens claim over and over “that their parents do not love them or that they seldom hear those words from them.”
A veteran of the first Gulf War, Linderman has had a remarkable success rate over the last ten years in helping extremely disturbed teens turn their lives around. He has three teens of his own. One of his own kids asked him to be one of the chaperons at their high school prom. To Linderman, this is one of his highest achievements. It’s important to note here that Linderman treats teens with respect; in some ways it is almost a peer-to-peer relationship. However, Linderman , Mr. Mike, expects his teens to take responsibility for themselves; and this, it seems is where most of the healing begins.
The Teen Whisperer is a book you can read from cover to cover. Mr. Mike says if you’re in crisis mode, you can read the areas that pertain to your situation and get immediate help. I found it difficult to read the book this way. Each topic was part of a larger picture, and each need was connected to a thread that wound its way through the entire book. Each behavior text drew me in deeper to continue reading; and I often found myself going back to the spot where I left off at the beginning, and reading through to the end. Maybe this book needs a companion workbook — hopefully soon to come out by Mr. Mike himself.
The book identifies the “Five Primary Needs of Teens” (Survival, Fun, Freedom, Power, and Belonging). If one of these needs is unmet, it usually manifests itself in negative behavior. For the teen in crisis, it’s almost next to impossible for the teen to even be aware of what need(s) he’s specifically missing. This can also be a daunting task for parents to figure out. Mr. Mike includes checklists to help parents determine where the problem might be hiding, and to identify the unmet need with the behavior. Using real-life examples of acting-our behaviors, and snippets of conversations and from his work at Spring Creek, Mr. Mike examines how the behavior will escalate if the teen continues to feel the parents are indifferent about their needs. The examples are colorful, and topics run the gamut from gangs, sex, alcohol and drugs. Finally, Mr. Mike brings all of this together into identifiable concrete actions families can take to help the teen feel loved, to meet the unmet needs, and to stop the cycle of destructive behavior.
This is an important book for parents to read. The Teen Whisperer is a gentle reminder that our number one job as a parent is still, and will always be, to let our kids know how much we love them. Even if it includes the tough kind.
This school year brought new challanges with my teenage daughter, and I was so happy to recieve this book as well. It helped me to identify that although my daughter is an excellent student, she’s trying to find a place to belong and be accepted at school.
I agree it is an excellent book and an important one for parents to read.
[...] home, we were greeted by this little black creature that running down the very same road where the teen on the dirt bikes crossed the road in front of us without [...]
[...] This same blogger explains the communication disconnect between parents and teens in a way that even parents of babies and toddlers can understand: “When your child is a baby or a toddler, their total dependence on you for meals, cleaning and entert…” [...]